


Listen

by MistressAkira



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, But I still love him a disgusting amount, Growing Up, Growing Up Together, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, Kinktober 2016, Lots of Angst, M/M, Ninja clan dynamics, No shame november, Revenge, Saizou is a hot mess, Saizou isn't worth anybody's time, Sibling Incest, Twincest, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, emotional incest, minor depictions of violence, this is horrible, welcome to my personal hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8973157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressAkira/pseuds/MistressAkira
Summary: All his life, Kaze listened. But he didn't like what he heard.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I disappear for four months and this is the first thing I post. 
> 
> This was originally started in October for Kinktober 2016, as incest/twinscest is like my main kink; I stalled on finishing it, so then I was gonna post it for No Shame November, but then Is gonna abandon it because I'm a shy emotional wreck, but lo and behold, it's finally done and I can go to hell in peace. 
> 
> Just to be clear, there are people I ship these two with more than reach other *coughSaizo/Sakuracough* and this is just for fun and feels. 
> 
> I own a copy of Final Fantasy XV that I've sunk 85+ hours of my life into already. I do not own Fire Emblem (or Final Fantasy).

It wasn’t supposed to grow with him.

It should have stayed small, dark and shameful, locked away where he didn’t have to hear the pathetic murmurs of his hope- in a child-sized heart that _should_ have been the perfect fit for these feelings that _should_ have stayed child-sized.

But of course they grew. And they changed, just like the rest of him.

He got taller, his arms grew longer, his muscles stronger; he even grew his hair out. Their hair was always cropped close to the head during their earliest training days, and when Kaze decided to try it longer he was surprised when Saizou followed suit. Kaze found it easier to hide with bangs to obscure his face; he wondered what Saizou found useful enough about having long hair to keep it.

It’s difficult to ignore the way one’s body changes when you’re seeing it twice. They weren’t the same person, clearly, so they obviously didn’t change the same. Kaze grew slender and elegant, eyes brimmed by long dark lashes and limbs wiry; Saizou grew strong and fierce like a wild beast, hair an untamable red and body full of hard angles like a razor.

Their voices deepened too; perhaps that was the worst part, because that voice got caught in his ears constantly, and he could imagine words he’d never receive in that voice, over and over again, listening endlessly.

It was during these years it was hardest. Hardest to ignore those feelings that spread and nest themselves comfortably in his heart like they were preparing to settle in with no intention of leaving as they should; hardest to forget when Saizou used to smile, what it felt like to run his fingers through that red hair and pull the leaves accumulated from training from it, the time when Saizou could look Kaze in both eyes at the same time without that harsh scar.

But back then, before he _had_ to forget, it wasn’t that much easier. Years of training dulled most of the pain, but the pain of always being second in everyone’s eyes never waned. Expectations were more akin to guidelines and no one ever blinked twice when the second Saizou heir backed down to make way for his brother, his brother always a pinnacle of what the Saizou clan should stand for, a fiery, proud, prodigal star. A ninja’s most prized sense was that of hearing, and Kaze heard everything that was said about him in regards to his brother.

Kaze always listened too closely.

Perhaps that’s how he fell for him in the first place. Kaze was always the giving sort, even as a child, and giving every ounce of reverence and attention he had to his twin was natural. Listen to what they said, listen to what they want, give it to Saizou. Kaze never suffered for it, he found other ways to be useful and fulfilled himself that way. But that didn’t mean his gaze never wavered when Saizou entered his view, that he never heard the call of competitiveness that it yearned within him, that compelled him to continue trying even if to no avail. Saizou would always respond to that heat with spirit, pushing and pulling on Kaze to take it back until they ended up a bloody mess on the training room floor with teeth for grins and bruises for praise.

It was hard to be so close to him, hearing Saizou’s heart thrum in his chest to a beat Kaze set it to. Though it’s cadence was nothing compared to Kaze’s own heartbeat hammering in his chest.

Kaze once met another set of twins- two girls- while he served briefly at a feudal lord’s estate during the brief interim of time when he tried serving masters other than the royal family (the latest of several sad attempts at distancing himself from his brother and simultaneously proving himself to be useful in his own way). She had told Kaze being twins was like having two bodies and one heart when he had asked off handedly one day out of curiosity.

Kaze had never felt that way about Saizou and he. From the very beginning, all four minutes Saizou breathed life and Kaze did not, they were separate beings, born for different things, born to be different things. They never shared anything more -physically- than a womb, much less a heart. Kaze sincerely doubted Saizou’s heart would be so weak to fall to such bastardized forms of affection.

* * *

 

The disappearance (and supposed death) of queen Mikoto’s young son Corrin in the disaster that was Cheve left Kaze’s psyche in a state of mania, and he feels he may very well have not ever seen the side of right again without Saizou’s presence in his life. Feelings aside, Kaze needed someone to stand by him in those trying months directly after the incident, and Saizou was there. Saizou was there, berating him for his failure but also making promises to rectify it, listening to him when Kaze awoke from traumatizing night terrors, guiding his hand as Kaze threw himself into more rigorous training, never forgiving himself and never forgetting. His twin was there every moment, never a smile on his face but always a firm hand on his shoulder when his bones broke or his spirit threatened to. Kaze would never confuse it with anything more than brotherly stigma, but he needed someone to lean on. Gods damn and bless Saizou for those years, when Kaze could almost believe he was finally seeing Saizou as _his brother_ again, a sibling looking after his younger one when he messed up, a familial bond with nothing more than unconditional loyalty.

Almost.

So they continued to grow in that strange, dangerous time, always a blade’s edge of duty, honor, and disgrace, locked in a dance that was more tangled feet and hushed whispers than anything else. The nonexistent music that set this strange mockery, he learned to ignore, learned to stop listening so closely, lest he get hurt. Kaze learned to tend to those sad feeling, lulling them to sleep as the space between his head and heart grew, and he learned to be wary of what he felt.

There were days he doubted his twin felt anything at all. Especially after the death of their father. Empty silence would be all that filled the space between them then, Saizou disappearing for days at a time only to turn up half dead to repeat the process once again.

He refused to divulge the details of his activities to anyone, even the clan elders who hounded him left and right for even an iota of information. Saizou said nothing, kept his head down, said nothing, felt nothing.

It was another one of those times when those unwelcome feelings would awake from their carefully contained hibernation and tread where they didn’t belong, on the surface of every one of Kaze’s expressions and the undercurrent to every word he spoke that Saizou would inevitably ignore.

Oh how he wanted to tell him. To remind him that he was loved, that he was still loved and adored and everyone’s fiery star. To admit how much he meant to him in ways he shouldn’t and to just let him know that he _was loved._

But love wouldn’t cure Saizou. It wouldn’t fill the holes in his head his father had drilled but hadn’t finished forming, it wouldn’t soothe the rage that slowly ate him alive in the darkest parts of his soul and tortured him into night terrors on the nights the moon was absent from the sky, it wouldn’t resolve him of the guilt he felt for letting it slip through his fingers every time a lead to the killer would run cold.

Lord Ryouma knew of his tragedy but he didn’t know the depths of sorrow his stoic retainer was clinging to. And Saizou would never let it compromise his performance as a royal retainer but the fire in his eyes was always meant to burn something else down.

Kaze watched sadly at his beloved brother slowly destroyed himself- to the point of developing a battle technique that would obliterate himself along with his enemy should the situation grow dire enough- but he stood quietly by his side and let him fight his own battles because there was nothing he could give that could take away the pain. He wouldn’t listen to those coos of the dying hope that choked his heart, nor to that steady beat of his brother’s heart next to him, because that heart wouldn’t beat for anything but vengeance now. No, love would not save Saizou.

Until it did.

Kagerou was the epitome of the perfect ninja, a woman of quiet strength and traditional values, not to mention her beauty was something to behold. And Kaze had plenty a chance to behold her when she was made Ryouma’s second retainer by his stepmother, queen Mikoto. Naturally Saizou was testy to a newcomer in his mist, but Kagerou’s cool temper and patient personality got through to him in ways no one else had, and Saizou fell in love.

Kaze knew this wholeheartedly. He was the first to realize it, before even Saizou himself; he heard it in his twin’s voice.

Kaze had been listening too close, as always.

They worked wonders together, the shadows of the high prince, and nothing was beyond their reach. The clans were particularly pleased with this development as well, two heirs of two powerful ninja clans forming a bond such as theirs, it was everything they could wish for in creating an heir worthy of the Saizou name.

 Kaze knew they surely fought- Saizou breathed therefore he fought- but no none had a way of getting Saizou down from his rage like Kagerou could. It was a subtle change, slow, taking years to take hold, but that dangerous reckless star began to contain his fire, his thirst for blood and revenge. Saizou no longer acted like a man with nothing to lose, instead as if he was just learning how to breath for the first time, the world open and giving if one would just give it a chance.

Kaze was grateful for that influence she had over him. The Dawn Dragon knows that the Saizou who would have burned the world down and everyone with him if he could was inferior in all ways to the Saizou who picked his battles and burned down the world in his spare time.

Kaze saw significantly less of his twin during this time of their lives, but he knew this was for the better. Watching Saizou grow as a person is only so sweet when the reason for it all is the woman he fell in love with, not the brother who stood by his side and kept him from falling apart for years. Yes, it is bittersweet, but Kaze nurses his pride and decides he can only give so much, so he feels no pain in giving Kagerou all of Saizou. That feeling nestled within him sinks heavy into his soul, but the fact he’s finally let go and stopped _foolishly hoping_ is its own kind of relief.

* * *

 

Relief that only lasts as long until the time Saizou and Kagerou break up.

Saizou isn’t even angry when it ends. Apparently it was a mutual decision, that they both knew they weren’t good for each other in _that way_ and for the betterment of their lord, going their separate ways was for the best. They continue to work well together, and life went on as it had before.

Life goes on as it had before in all ways.

Kaze’s hope threatens to return to the surface, but after a lifetime of suppressing it and a few years of giving up and letting it fade- _for surely he has no claim when this beautiful, powerful, wonderful woman can do in months where he cannot even dare to tread after years of the same attempts-_ it is made to stay where it belongs, sunk and buried. It takes time, but the emotions do return in varying degrees, and Kaze no longer hates himself for the things he feels after all these years of repression to no avail.

So he simply lives with them; he doesn’t try to ignore it, he certainly doesn’t pursue it, he accepts it and lives with it. Every hour of every day, it is a part of him, and though he doesn’t dwell on it as much as he used to, it’s always there, and he’s finally made peace with the fluttering things in his chest whenever his twin is near.

Nothing is ever so simple when Saizou is concerned, however.

It is a new lead on their father’s murderer that sends it all crashing down. Without the tempering presence of Kagerou at all times, Saizou’s fierce thirst for justice returns in bursts. Some days he is the stoic pillar of control he appears to the outside viewer, and some days he bleeds contempt as easily as he bleeds blood from the near-fatal wounds incurred in the most recent attempt at vengeance. Kaze has seen this all before, and it affects him less profoundly than it should; then again, the child who wanted everything small, self-contained, and simple died with the young prince in Cheve, and the adult Kaze had grown into, while sympathetic, still struggled to give emotional mercy.

He let Saizou beat himself up over each failure, though no longer a silent observer, he gave him a piece of his mind each and every time the cycle repeated itself. Perhaps it was Kagerou’s lasting influence or perhaps it was just age, but Saizou almost listened this time. Whenever Kaze offered his help it was graciously thanked for, though never accepted, but Kaze would not digress against progress, no matter how minimal. Pure, undiluted hope, not for his feelings to not be spurned but hope for Saizou to one day take the hands offered to him was what Kaze sustained himself on, though his own feelings fed themselves quite adequately on such hope as well.

It was almost easy like this, no pride gained or lost on Kaze’s part as he remained hopeful but realistic, and he had long given up on trying to tamper with his brother’s. But that unrelenting pride did in fact give in the night his twin beseeched Kaze to aid him on a mission; Saizou swore this lead to the killer was a real one, his tone optimistic for the first time in ages regarding this affair. Kaze was in such astonishment Saizou had finally allowed him clearance into the circle of self-loathing that had long been Saizou’s quest to find their father’s murderer, he immediately agrees.

It feels sacred, to tread here in Saizou’s innermost desires; he was Kaze’s beloved father as well, but Saizou had made this a personal grudge for so long, avenging his father’s death was yet another thing Kaze had to give to his brother without hesitation. Being a part of the resolution was a gratifying reward for his emotional sacrifices, a means to an end for this horrific event dogging their lives for nearly a decade now.

It’s a startling thought: two teenagers, two boys at the impressionable age of sixteen, had their father ripped from them nearly ten years ago. Had it really been ten years since Saizou looked Kaze in both eyes with both of his own red ones, since the last time Saizou smiled when it wasn’t covered by a mask or dripping the blood of his- their- enemies? Startling even more so when Kaze sits back and honestly evaluates the time he’s spent foolishly hoping for his brother, in more ways than one.

It would seem that hope would always be Kaze’s downfall; such as hoping that the road to the resolution so bloodily sought for ten years could be miraculously reached when the two of them finally joined together and did what one could not.

Such as hoping Saizou might one day heal from this.

Such as hoping one day Kaze might finally, truly, _live_ with the choices he’s made and the emotions he’s felt.

The lead Saizou pursued, it was a real one. One step closer to the true killer, but the truth uncovered also got them trapped in the compound they had been staking out once their presence had been found.

They had hidden in an alcove high above the busy halls now under high alert to the intruders, catching their breath after the mad scramble it had been just to evade their enemies for a moment to gather their heads and formulate a plan. Saizou had taken a shriuken to the shoulder and was pressing a shaking hand to the wound to stem the bleeding. Kaze’s head spun from a blow he had taken himself, a river of blood coursing down his left temple and streaking his face garishly. They both kept watch on the chaos below, harshly aware of the dwindling reality of getting out of this alive.

Pain is relative to Kaze, but fear is not. He honestly fears in this moment. He fears not only for his life but for the resolution that Saizou chased for years dying alongside them if they can’t get out. Everything he worked for for nearly a decade, gone. Kaze knows Saizou would rather die than relinquish his hold on that vengeance, and as much pain as it has brought him, Kaze also knows he fell in love with this part of his brother as well, that he’s willing to die for this vengeance too.

They might not be alive come the next sunrise, but Kaze will die fulfilled looking at his beloved red star if he must. In one last moment of fear and weakness, Kaze grabs for his twin’s arm, pressing their hearts together in between the layers of bloodstained clothes and unspoken feelings. Saizou’s heart races alongside his brother’s, and though he does scoff, some part of Kaze knows that Saizou is afraid as well. They held each other in that alcove, and though a millions things are begged to be spoken, Kaze simply runs his hand through Saizou’s wild red hair just like when they were kids. Even like this, he hides beneath his long bangs and cannot confess a thing out loud, relying on every touch taken to say whatever it can, and his hands know no bounds as they scrape over Saizou’s broad shoulders and hard chest, anything to force them closer in what may be their last moments together.

Saizou shivers from Kaze’s heated breath on his throat in their tight embrace as silence finally spreads beneath them as the furious hustle has ebbed, and all is still save for their heaving chests and panting breaths. If they are to have any chance at escape, at survival, it is now.

However it is also in this moment of now that Kaze wants to kiss Saizou. He can’t help it, listening to their throbbing hearts and ragged breathing, so sure that he is about to die without anything to show for anything. If there is nothing he has come to realize in the years since he was a kid, it is he is good at giving and letting things go.

They breath in tandem one last time, and pressing their foreheads together, Kaze finally lets go. He pulls down that dark mask, kisses Saizou softly on the mouth that is also his and bumps noses with that nose that is also his, mirrored faces save for that horrible scar Kaze wishes he could pluck off his face and wear in Saizou’s stead every day. He kisses his twin like he never dared to since they were teenagers and the world was thrust upon them the moment their father died.

It’s over quickly, because even now, Kaze is not the selfish sort- that is and will always be Saizou. They look at each other in that cramped space. That fierce red eye is dark and impassive. Kaze’s heart would have plummeted into his stomach if he didn’t already know what this meant: Saizou knew all along. Of _course_ , Saizou listened too.

Saizou says nothing. Kaze can’t blame him.

Staring at the ground below, Kaze reminds himself that he is ready to die. Against all odds, he refuses to give in that easily.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this shit. _(._.)_
> 
> Also I have a ton of FFXV fanfics in the works so there's that.


End file.
